Small group Videos on Human sexuality

An Invitation

These videos are an invitation to a discussion. In the background is the Human Sexuality Report of the CRCNA. We are afraid that the debate over the report can overshadow the urgent need for church communities to engage in transformative practices that help all God’s people flourish. At one point in a discussion with the leaders of the covenant people, Jesus said about them “they tie up heavy burden, hard to bear, and lay them on the shoulders of others; but they themselves are unwilling to lift a finger to move them.” Whatever the debate about what is right and wrong, we know that there are many practices that could be the fingers that lift the heavy burdens many bear. We focus on 6 words: prejudice, shame, loneliness, desire, idolatry, and hospitality. Each word tells of burdens. Each word invites a discussion. Each word encourages us to engage practices which allow all to flourish.

We all live amid the unwritten hopes and dreams of community life. Many of them involve human sexuality. They are subtly communicated but heard loudly. Hopes for marriage. Fears for divorce. Anxiety for the LGBTQ. And along with the hopes and fears comes words of judgment, bullying and exclusions. Not to mention the ever-present pornography. And let’s face it: parents aren’t good at sex talks. All this conspires to create a community culture around sexuality. The six words become part of ordinary experience: prejudice, shame, loneliness, desire, idolatry, and hospitality. How we deal with them shapes lives. If we want to do better for our communities, reflecting the presence of Christ in this world, we need to do better in our embodied community life.

So, these videos are an invitation to discussion and engagement. We journey together. We don’t think the same or even agree on the best practices for ministry. But we can hold onto each other in the hope that together we can do better, lift burdens, open doors to each other’s flourishing as a pilgrim people learning and growing in the grace of our Lord.

Discussion Guide

Leading a discussion on sensitive topics is always a challenge. Lurking underneath the conversation is our own vulnerability: each of us carries prejudice, shame, loneliness, desire, idolatries, and fear of hospitality. We have our comfortable spots. We carry our anxieties around our sexuality. Leading a conversation requires some rules of engagement. Here are some that help:

• Central to all good conversation is listening. Listening encourages us to ask questions that deepen our understanding of the other: Here are some good questions:
  • Can you tell me what you mean when you use that word?
  • Would you put some bones on that idea for me?
  • Can you tell a story to illustrate that?
• Give space for each person to share their story and perspective. Don’t let one or two people dominate the conversation.
• The central question is how we can do better: is there one thing that I can do that would change our community for the better?
• When we leave ask:
  • Something you’ve learned from someone else during the meeting.
  • Something you’re still thinking about.
  • Something you want to talk more about at the next gathering.

Discussion Questions

Video 1: Introduction to the 6 words

1. Anxiety is common in conversations about sexuality and in conversations that threaten to divide. On a scale of 1-10 how anxious are you about this conversation on human sexuality. Why?
2. What is the hardest part for you in conversations about sexuality?
3. What is your deepest hope?

 
Video 2: Prejudice

1. Experiences of prejudice are part of the world we live in. What are some experiences of prejudice you have experienced or seen close at hand?
2. Responding to prejudice is hard because it involves confrontation. What is your most common strategy for dealing with confrontation? How does that influence your behaviour in an experience of prejudice?
3. What practices are helpful in supporting a person who is receiving prejudicial words or actions?
4. Are there particular Scriptural passages that ground your response to prejudice?

 
Video 3: Loneliness

1. Experiences of loneliness are reported by many in our society. Share what you have heard about loneliness in your community. Behind stories of addiction, abuse, or violence, there were stories of real loneliness. When has someone shared a story of loneliness with you? What prompted their story? How did you become a partner in their story? Who is lonely? Are there particular circumstances or personalities that you can identify?
2. Belonging is an experience rooted in the experience of loving behaviour/ words. How can a person be heard and/or be seen by the community?
3. Loneliness is both common and consequential. It’s an epidemic that, according to surveys, affects around 20% of adults in the United States and impacts our health outcomes, work engagement, and school performance. Does this number surprise you? Does this number compel you to action or challenge you?
4. It took Kate a long time to share her own struggles with loneliness because it felt like admitting she was unpopular. What cultural stigmas have you noticed around the topic of loneliness? How do you think your race, gender, or age has affected your ability to talk truthfully about it?

 
Video 4: Shame

1. How do you see the difference between shame and guilt?
2. How have you seen a culture of shame in church communities?
3. Brene Brown suggests that shame thrives on secrecy, silence, and judgment. How do these three words suggest practices that harm people in our congregations? What words and practices might help overcome secrecy, silence, and judgment?
4. In Genesis 3, we see God seeking out Adam and Eve in hiding, or in John 8 we see Jesus saying “neither do I condemn you” to the woman caught in adultery. Shame leads to isolation and hiddenness. How does God’s words and actions in Scripture help reconnect people who are hidden and isolated because of shame?

  
Video 5: Desire

1. “Desire is what moves us out of ourselves to engage the world.” In the past churches often talked about suppressing desire as the way to spiritual life, but desire also has a positive role in our spiritual lives. How does desire invite us to engage in God’s creation?
2. Desire is not sex. Sex is an activity. Desire is a wanting. What we want can arise out of our own inadequacies or curiosity about the world. Share about a time when the mystery of life moved you to explore the world or get to know a person.
3. Internal inadequacies litter the spaces of our heart. How does pornography feed on the internal dynamics of our heart and mind?

 
Video 6: Idolatry

1. The report to Synod on Human Sexuality says that the idolatry of the nuclear family has undermined our community life as brothers and sisters in Christ. Do you agree with this assessment?
2. Singles (young adults, widow(er)s) and childless couples often feel excluded. Suggest some normal practices that would deepen a sense of belonging.
3. Individualism is highly prized in our culture. How do we negotiate our uniqueness as individual’s and our individual expression with our doing life together in a covenant community?
4. Sex and pleasure (often blended) are not only considered everyone’s right but also ways to personal fulfilment and happiness. How would Philippians 2:1-11 rewrite the story of our sexuality, happiness, and fulfilment?

 
Video 7: Hospitality

1. Hospitality is an acknowledged Christian practice. How are we doing?
2. Hospitality goes beyond being nice to another. It invites to practice welcome and embrace. When do you find it hard to welcome and embrace?
3. Hospitality is not simply a gift of some but quality of a community. Do a word association. What words do you associate with welcome, embrace, hospitality?
4. If you were to change one thing to make the community better at hospitality what would that be?

​We would love your feedback. Send us a note afterwards so that we can learn from you. We want to improve these conversations. We want these conversations to bless the church as we together seek to be the presence of Christ in this world and seek to faithfully walk with Christ.

Peter Rockhold: [email protected]
Neil de Koning: [email protected]